Home For The Holidays

That special time of year is fast approaching. You know, when you gain 10 lbs in 30 days, everyone pretends to be nice, and you stick around your dead-end job in hopes of another disappointing end-of-year bonus check. That's right, The Holidays are here! And I'm sure most of you are preparing to head home. For me home is back East, so not only do I get to revel in the family drama but, in addition, I get to enjoy the freezing cold winter!

So, naturally I wanted to provide you with some extremely important info on one of the biggest holiday issues: how to properly shut down your apartment when you leave on a vacation.

1. Unplug All Appliances & Electronics- Yes, nothing is more annoying then re-setting your alarm clock when you get back home but it sure beats coming back to a fire blazed apartment. Plus, when your appliances are plugged in they are using electricity (even if they're not being used). So save a couple pennies and rip those plugs from the wall.

2. Get A Peeping Tom- Ask your neighbor or a good friend to keep an eye on the place. Have them get your mail as well.

3. Lock It Down- Do a triple check that all windows and doors are definitely locked. You should also draw your blinds.

4. Take Out The Paper & The Trash- Cause you don't want that yakety yak! (In other words, take out the trash and recyclables.) Remove items from your refrigerator that may spoil if you will be gone longer then a few days. Also make sure there are no dirty dishes in the sink or in the dishwasher if you have one, and don't forget to clean out the coffee pot and filter.

5. Do your laundry before you leave or take it home for your mother to do. Either way you don't want to come back to a laundry bag full of dirty clothes to add to the ones you will need to wash from your trip.

*BONUS TIP ALERT* Change your sheets and make your bed before you leave. Trust me it will be so nice to come home to a cozy bed after sleeping on the twin size bed you grew up on.

6. Water Your Plants- Cause it's just not fun to come home to anything dead.

7. Above All Else- DON'T FORGET THE V & A. That's right the Valium for the day the Ambien for the night. Your only sure fire way to survive going home for the holidays.

Gobble, Gobble,

The Guy In 2A

It's Time For A Grown Up Bed!

You're not in college anymore, so it's ridiculous if your bedding situation qualifies as any of the below..

1. Your mattress is actually right on the floor.

2. You only have a mattress and not a box spring.

3. You are sleeping on a futon, roll away bed, or a sofa bed.

4. You still have an "egg crate" to try to make that cheap ass

mattress you bought feel comfortable.

One of the biggest steps into adulthood is buying a big boy or big girl bed. More than any furniture purchase you can make, this one signifies "I am an adult now!" Below are some tips and advice for acceptable bedding options.

1. The Basic Metal Bed Frame.

At minimum, you need to set your mattress and box spring on a basic metal frame so it is not lying directly on the floor. A bed frame is only a small upgrade from the college years, and I do encourage you to take a larger leap of bedroom faith than just this. However, I do understand that due to space restrictions this may be your only option. That being said, if you are only doing the bed frame, you should buy a bed skirt so it hides the unattractive bronze cross bars and those janky plastic wheels. Also since you obviously didn't spend your money on a nice bed, splurge on some really nice sheets and bedding to make up for it. Another trick you can use is to paint the wall behind your bed and it can work as a psuedo headboard.

2. Sleigh Beds - If you still haven't got the memo sleigh beds are as

"out" as Ricky Martin on a beach in St. Tropez.

That being said, sleigh beds are still a classic look. So if you already own one that's cool. I'm just saying if you are in the market to buy a new bed sleigh bed's would not be the way to go.

3. The Storage Bed.

The biggest trend in the bed market now is definitely beds that have storage. These beds are awesome- they have drawers built right into them making it easier to hide all my baseball cards and toys. Really, they are so practical. Having storage in your bed is a great space saver that allows you to forfeit the chest of drawers from your already overcrowded bedroom.

4. Upholstered Beds.

I have been seeing some really nice upholstered beds in the marketplace. Linen fabrics have definitely replaced the leather look on beds. Grey is the new Brown. Tufted upholstery and nail head trim is bigger then ever. It makes for a classy urban look.

Most people's first real furniture purchase is a couch. It's like a Bar Mitzvah: you're supposedly a man, but you're not really a man because you're only 13. Buying bedroom furniture is like your 21st birthday- once you've purchased a bed and a nice mattress, you can really consider yourself an adult. Check out next week's blog for tips and hints on purchasing the right mattress to compliment your new bed.

And if all else fails just buy this classic car bed and you'll sleep like a baby.

It's Confirmed: The Guy In 2A Is Grandson of 4 time Oscar Winner!

Breaking news: After discovering yet another lost footage tape of Hepburn on the Dick Cavett Show many now believe that The Guy In 2A is in fact an heir to Katharine Hepburn. Click the pic to enjoy what makes this 4 time Oscar Award winner so unique.

Click here to see the original lost video that first prompted the rumors of Hepburn being The Guy In 2A's grandmother.

The Truth About Cats & Dogs

Now, before anyone from PETA throws paint on my fur, I want to say that I love animals! I didn't grow up with pets, however, and I feel that many pet owners fail to consider all of the wacky things a visitor has to deal with when entering their homes. So, after over a year of keeping this inside, I finally had to express some feelings to my friends who live upstairs:

Trick Or Treat? 13 Last Minute Costumes You Can Find In Your Apartment

You're broke, busy, or just not that into it but you need to pull together a Halloween costume for the party this weekend. I have found the perfect solution that is fun, easy, and nice on your pocketbook. Go to your closet, open those storage boxes, look under your bed and you won't believe what costume ideas may stem from this. I invited my neighbor over to see how many costumes we can come up with by only using items that exist in my apartment. The results were amazing, we found 13 lucky costumes in less than 20 minutes!

1. The Pool Boy - Think Flamingo Kid meets Country Club snobbery.

2. The Bartender - Grab your tightest black tee, grab some booze from your shelves, and you're golden.

3. Wind-blown - Grab your umbrella, ella, ella, and turn it inside out. Walk like you are fighting the wind as your hair is disheveled and your tie is wrapped around your shoulder. Best chance to win most original costume.

4. The Dog Walker- Have your treats be candy.

5. The Skier- Aspen style, naturally (as my closet may have one or two Argyle sweaters).
6. Bruce Springsteen - Get your date to dress up as Courtney Cox. You can make two cheap costumes and still get the laughs!

7. The Grandpa- Wait why do I have these clothes in my closet?
8. Burt Reynolds from the original movie "The Longest Yard"

9. The Baseball Player- Don't have the legs to pull off the Burt Reynolds look? Grab some sweats and go Sunday softball style.

10. The Hollywood Douchebag- Enough said!

11. A Television - Grab a box and throw a hanger on it as an antenna. Be careful 'cause this costume will make you look 10lbs heavier.

12. The Tacky Tourist - Again why are these clothes in my closet? And don't tell my neighbors I have binoculars.

13. The Mummy- If all else fails you hopefully have toilet paper in the house. Wrap it around your body and you will pass for a mummy, a Clan member, or a light bulb.

A good time had by all, and I assure you nobody was harmed during these shenanigans. You have no excuse now not to rally and pull together a killer costume for Halloween. Have fun and be safe! AND, Send me pics of you dressed in your costume. Best costume gets a $50 gift certificate to Olive Garden (that's right - bottomless bread sticks)! Send pics to theguyin2a@gmail.com. Happy Halloween!

Your Stupid Fart Joke For The Weekend

Bed, Bath and Beyond Beyond!

I had my 20% coupon in hand and needed to grab me some Brita filters. But this trip, I decided, was more then just a quick run; I was on a mission. I was in search of the answer to the riddle: What is the BEYOND at Bed, Bath, & Beyond? Well, you will not believe how BEYOND "BEYOND" they have gone. It was like a QVC commercial on crack from the moment I walked in the door!

Here are 5 items that are beyond any reason they are at BBB.

1. The Snuggie

First of all, I actually bought one of these last year for my Secret Santa gift and I will admit it was a big hit. In fact, it got traded for three times. However, once out of the box I realized how absolutely uncomfortable the Snuggie is. It’s 100% felt and 1000% flammable! Once the darling of the “As Seen On TV “ world, it appears that the Snuggie is yesterday’s news, so now you can take advantage of the $14.99 price break.

2. The Booty Pop

Ladies no need to pay those absorbent prices anymore at Victoria Secret. That’s right, your Booty can now POP like J-Lo’s. Put down those Spanks and feel sexy again with this latest sensation of ridiculousness. It’s all new, and sold exclusively at Bed, Bath, & Beyond: your go-to resource to accentuate all your curves.

3. Shake Weight FOR MEN!

Fellows I know what you’ve been thinking: Why do blondes have more fun? Well don’t worry guys now we can have all the enjoyment they get. That’s right, finally Shake-Weight for MEN. We can now jerk, vibrate, pulse, & sweat our way to bigger biceps and sexier triceps. Thanks Shake Weight for reading my suggestion letters :)

4. The Very Best Of Barry Manilow

OMG they actually have an entire rack of “mood setting” music for those special moments. And their feature artist is Barry Manilow! The buyers at Bed, Bath, & Beyond really made an amazing choice when they were thinking of just the right CD to put on when you’re trying to get the girl from the sofa to the bedroom. Nothing says sex then a little “Time In New England,” into “Mandy,” followed by a little “Copacabana” to close the deal.

5. Magic Hat

I couldn’t even make this stuff up if I wanted to! WTF, the Magic Hat sold at Bed, Bath, & Beyond? This one stumps me even more than Barry. The good news is it does come with a magic cape and over 200 tricks!!!

I really do think Bed, Bath, and Beyond is a great store for actual bed and bath products plus they have some awesome kitchenware too. However, the Beyond is just beyond my imagination. But, like Meatloaf says, “2 out of 3 ain't bad."

Guaranteed cheapest way possible to re-do your entire place

If you're just bored of your place cause you've been living there for awhile, but you're broke as a joke, try this quick fix: simply rearrange the furniture.

That's right, move that sofa to the other wall. Now, put your TV where your sofa use to be. Take that framed Ansel Adams picture you've had since college, and hang it in the bathroom.

When I was a kid I used to rearrange my bedroom all the time. I replaced my Michael Jordan posters with Cindy Crawford posters. (Um... I think those were the puberty years).

I remember taking down my bunkbed and pushing the two twin beds together, and all of a sudden I had a King sized bed. Only problem with that was now I had a big boy bed and was still trying to rock my Charlie Brown comforter. Seriously though, I know this sounds simple but you won't believe how much of a difference a few changes in your apartment can make.

Best Excuse For Why She Can't Sleepover

Funny Pictures | Funny but Weird Stuff

VITAL INFORMATION: Every Bathroom Tells A Story

You never know who may stop by unexpectedly, or whom you may bring home from the bars, so here is a checklist of the have's and have-nots for your bathroom. Call these pet-peeves if you wish but very useful info here!

DO's

1. Do KEEP IT CLEAN.

2. Do keep the seat down!

3. Do always have an emergency roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. It's an effin nightmare to get stuck in someone else's bathroom and run out of toilet paper.

4. Do have an extra toothbrush for an unexpected guest. Now this is a bit tricky cause you don't want to unveil a drawer filled with toothbrushes, as if you have a different trick every night sleepover. So make sure you have one extra but make it appear as if you bought a 3-pack and it's just the one you were going to use next.

5. Do always have a clean towel.

6. Do have potpourri, scented candle, or one of those plug-in glad fresheners *make sure you cross-reference with #6 below of the dont's.

Don'ts

1. Don't keep the toilet seat up!

2. Don't have any ointments out that read, "apply when itchy".

3. Don't have a moldy shower liner.

4. Don't forget to flush.

5. Don't have your Porno mags out.

6. Don't have matches out. The smell of a burnt match just says "wow, someone just took a big poop in my bathroom." Same applies to Lysol.

7. Hide your pills! Let them figure out in time you're a little crazy before they see the bottle of klonopin.

People will snoop so be prepared!!!!